Know Thyself

  When asked the question “What does it mean to know yourself?” there are two types of responses that come to mind, as I believe that our perceptions and knowledge of ourselves may be divided into two categories. The first is the individual sense of who we are: our ambitions, goals, perceived weaknesses or strengths, personality traits and anything else that makes you, you. When we are in touch with this individual self as I’ll call it, we are completely aware of our unique and personal identity. The second type of self we become familiar with is who we are according to our place in the world. I believe this worldly self includes who we are in relation to others and the values instilled in us from other people; think of the groups we consider ourselves a part of, like sports teams, clubs, online meeting places/forums, or any sort of social circle. It may include your place in your community, such as being an active member/organizer or being more reclusive; your fellow employees and choice of career is also a part of your social identity. Another important aspect of this social identity is who we are through our families, a concept Oedipus is far too familiar with. Long generations of families may instill their own traditional values within the youngest, and they may even be charged with carrying on “the family legacy.” These two types of selves, I believe, make up everything we are. If we are unsure about any parts of them, we feel lost and are stuck searching for a meaning and a purpose to squeeze out of life, which is why it is incredibly important to know who we are. When we do, we become more sure of ourselves, more confident, and even more ambitious. We must have this individual sense of who we are to empower ourselves, and this social sense of who we are to fit into the world (I’m not going to go into this positivity rant about how we shouldn’t try and fit into the world and it’s okay to be different- the reality is it’s much easier to fit in and find your place). All together, these two parts make up the uniqueness of each person.

As I briefly mentioned before, not knowing your true identity can make life hard and make us feel as if we don’t belong. Not knowing our past, however, can make finding your true identity impossible. Who we are is made up by a culmination of everything and everyone we have interacted with throughout the course of our lives; how does one view themselves if they have never viewed anything before? Having an incorrect recollection of our past is even more difficult for one to grasp, yet only when one has realized their mistake. So, what happens when you think you know who you are? I believe who we are is influenced by nearly everything in the environment around us and our perspective of it; as we grow older, we begin to live our life in accordance with this perceived identity, and act as and grow into the person we think we are. When one realizes this identity which has been nurtured by everything around them is a lie, and that they’ve been living their life “wrong” (because they’ve grown into an identity that is not their own) it can be earth shattering. Oedipus is the most famous example of such happening. He believed himself to be husband of Iocaste, son of Merope and King Polybus, and thus lived his life as so. This can lead to a few problems, for example accidentally marrying your mom and murdering your dad. All jokes aside, this obliteration of his social and familial identity was rather traumatic as it would be for most people. We know Oedipus gouges his eyes as not to look upon the crimes he has committed, yet I believe part of it was due to the panicked state he was in upon learning his whole life was a lie; he shouts “Too long have you known / The faces of those whom I should never have seen / Too long been blind to those for whom I was searching!” (68) in what seems to be an obvious reference to the lack of knowledge he possessed about his real identity. The destroying of his eyes was more than just punishment, but a hysterical reaction to a complete, instantaneous and involuntary identity transformation. For some, this realization of true identity may instead be enlightening. Take for example this common anecdote in the LGBTQ+ community: a child who was born in the body of the male sex spends their first part of life trying to conform to male standards and failing, wondering why they don’t fit in and trying to figure out who they are. When they grow old enough to realize they might be transgender, it suddenly clicks and they realize this is who they truly are. Either way, not having a good sense of one’s real identity can be more than just stressful, and can lead to a variety of issues, like feeling like one doesn’t belong/is being excluded, lost and without a purpose, or even anxious and unstable. I truly do hope that by the end of each person's life, they get the chance to discover who they truly are, and thus have a sense of fulfillment and enlightenment.

As for myself, I believe I know my identity very well; it’s something I’ve spent a lot of time on, and after years in therapy and getting through mental health situations I’ve learned a lot about myself. I am all too aware of my bad traits, and they sound something like this: I think I’m always right. Even if I realize I’m wrong, I’ll be incredibly reluctant to admit it. It really frustrates me when I’m not the best at something, and am constantly trying to prove my capabilities. I have an extremely hard time being told no, and have issues with authority. Also, it’s my way or the highway, I always have to be in control over everything, and everyone else is inferior to me. It sounds harsh, but I’m really just being honest. Obviously I do not act this way all the time but when I recognize myself becoming toxic to those around me, it’s usually one of the above traits that comes out, and I sometimes catch myself thinking these extremely negative and selfish thoughts. However, I try my best to stifle this God complex; as I mentioned before, therapy was a very useful tool to me, and it’s my firm belief every human alive could benefit from therapy, even if there is nothing psychologically wrong with them. The main thing I had to get over was that it’s impossible to be in control of every aspect of life; I learned to pick my battles and let insignificant things go, and accept the idea I would not always be in control. I also spent a lot of time on the idea that I’m not better than everyone and that it's okay to not be. It makes me feel quite guilty, honestly, when I look at all these flaws because I know other people don’t see me this way. I sometimes feel slightly psychopathic; there is a very negative and narcissistic persona behind what I present that makes me wonder if I actually am a “good person.” The guilt exists because I try so hard to bring good into the world and treat each person with respect, yet I know these negative thoughts still affect my friends and family on occasion and it hurts me to hurt others. 

Some tell me the fact I feel guilty is actually a good thing, because it means I care when I hurt people; of course I care, and I think that is one of the better things about myself. I care extremely deeply for other people whether I know them personally or not, and other peoples’ pain distresses me. As much as there is I don’t appreciate about myself, I am proud of how much I do for others. Whether it’s being inclusive in a zoom breakout room or protesting/donating for BLM over the summer, it warms my heart to know I’m doing good for other people. Another strength of mine I am thankful for is my assertive nature. I don’t let people walk all over me and abuse me, and I stick up for what I believe in. In class, I can engage in reasonable arguments without being too aggressive. I feel as though I know my worth and exactly what I deserve, though what that may be is quite subjective. One other thing I like about myself that I feel compelled to talk about is my confidence. I must note that I frequently cross the line between confidence and narcissism, and obviously one is much more beneficial than the other. However, confidence is a lovely trait to possess; my outward physical appearance couldn’t matter less to me, and I love it. I can wear whatever clothes I want, experiment with styles how I want, and be comfortable just existing or speaking in public, all without stressing about how I look, how I sounded, etc. These all seem like small things to be proud of, but I understand how insecure others can be, and thus how much harder these tasks may be. Of course it’s not their fault or an easy thing to get over; it just makes life that much harder, and I am thankful I can be whoever I’d like without the fear of judgement. 

As you may have noticed, there’s many more negative traits listed than positive ones, a theme I feel will be common in other responses to this question. I believe that all too often, humans are quicker to criticize themselves than praise themselves. It’s harder for us to come up with our greatest strengths, but why? For me personally, I find it difficult because I don’t want to be wrong. What if I name a positive trait I believe I have, only for someone else to reject that claim? It’d make me feel humiliated and embarrassed at first, because out of all the people in the world I should know myself best, but then again guilty over the fact I haven’t been acting in a way that would allow others to view me as said positive trait. I assume others experience the same thing, and I’m sure other truly good people are too modest to admit all their strengths. When searching for our weaknesses however, most (in my experience) have little difficulty. We constantly put ourselves down when we don’t live up to society’s unrealistically high expectations of us, and let’s face it: life is hard. It stresses us out, makes us anxious, and we blame ourselves for it. Many people scrutinize their weaknesses, or perceive themselves as more flawed than they actually are. One other reason people may have trouble labeling their good and bad traits is because they don’t know who they are yet, and that is perfectly normal. Whatever the reason may be, some people have a harder time trying to find their true identity, and the question “who are you?” is instead terrifying rather than merely difficult. I can’t say that I’m right in these assumptions, yet I believe everyone can find solace in examining themselves and their behaviors and/or perceptions of the world around them, and why they happen. The world might end up being a better, more real and honest place if everyone was able to.